


spring, summer, autumn, winter (all seasons with you)

by angstoverload



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends Choi Soobin & Huening Kai, Break Up, Choi Beomgyu if you Squint, Cute, Emotional, Established Choi Yeonjun/Choi Soobin, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Happy Ending, Huening Kai POV, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Story, M/M, Minor Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Pianist Huening Kai, Romance, Slice of Life, Songfic, Supportive Yeonjun, There is a Yeonjun Noona Moment hidden in here, Time Skips, Too Many Metaphors, i love tyunning so much, im just really sappy, kai is just very emotional, not beta-ed we die like eternally yeonjun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:53:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29005614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstoverload/pseuds/angstoverload
Summary: hueningkai looks at taehyun and wonders how even with all seasons between them, how he is perhaps the most beautiful season ever.alternatively, a love story told in four parts, in four seasons, in four moments.
Relationships: Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun, Side Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 17
Kudos: 56





	spring, summer, autumn, winter (all seasons with you)

**Author's Note:**

> a TYUNNING.... i come back with a tyunning!! this was majorly inspired by sumika's [shunkashuto](https://open.spotify.com/track/3vbn8zZr3ibMifje7ZJdGM?si=PIyB53GpS3O0mdcCn_VQ8w), so if you haven't heard it, i heavily suggest you do!!  
> the title is inspired by the song too!
> 
> and finally, happy reading!

☆

hueningkai and taehyun fall in love in spring.

it's a silly little day in spring that makes them come together. having spent all their life in their own little bubble, oblivious to world that looked at them with prejudice, the two of them— nineteen and still growing, still learning— kiss under the chestnut tree in the park.

"i like you," hueningkai breathes out, holding taehyun's hand tenderly, gaze soft and hopeful. "hyunnie. i like you so much."

taehyun grips his hand a bit tighter, falls a bit more in love. he doesn't say it, though; he simply holds his face, a tender warmth passing through them, and kisses him back ever so softly, hoping it would convey enough.

that spring, taehyun and hueningkai are each other's first love, each other's first relationship ever. it lasts all through highschool, almost like a dream come true.

it takes them a lot of learning, a lot of trials and surprisingly few errors, for them to get used to being boyfriends. it starts with kai learning to hold taehyun's hand tightly, a pink blush tinting his face, as they walk the school corridors early in the morning. it continues with taehyun spending hours at a gift shop, wondering what he could gift for kai's birthday, and then finally settling on a scrapbook with his somewhat decent doodles and a heartfelt confession at the end: _let's stay together, forever, hyuka. love you!_

it lies in them learning to not be shy, to learn that it's _okay_. it's in the time they take spending in each other's embrace, hearts surging with nothing but love. it shows when taehyun leans his head on the other's ever-broadening shoulder, when hueningkai chuckles at something— _anything_ taehyun does. the little smile they share when yeonjun asks ' _are you guys finally dating?_ ' and ruffles both their heads at the same time, a fond smile on his face, tells them enough.

they're a perfect match. _the best_ , in soobin's words. _the most bearable couple in school_ , as an addition.

taehyun and hueningkai fall in love in spring. they learn as they go, clumsy and not really smooth, a lot of bumpy roads to cross. hueningkai forgets one time that they had a date at the arcade near their school, and smiles sheepishly when he says that he has to stay back for his piano practice. taehyun sleeps through one of their movie dates, the loud sounds doing nothing in keeping him awake. it isn't the romantic way of sleeping, either, it's with his mouth hanging open and drool staining his cheeks, leaving the other laughing silently throughout.

but taehyun stays back after day, and whenever kai has to inevitably stay back. he even gets him and his sole partner— a silent classmate called daehwi— two packs of coffee milk and a bag of chips. kai makes sure to lend his shoulder for taehyun to sleep on in their future dates, learning yet another fact about the person he had spent so many years with— he cannot keep his attention for long, unless it's an absolutely interesting movie.

it lies in the way kai tries his very best to _not_ stare at taehyun as the latter pouts in focus, the two of them playing mario kart in taehyun's bedroom. it takes everything for him to not drop the console and just _kiss_ , but he holds back.

as much as he can, that is, because he is _very_ weak-willed. especially when it comes to taehyun.

"hyun?"

"hm?" taehyun hums, eyes not tearing away from the screen.

"look here,"

as taehyun turns, he leans in to press a chaste kiss on his still pouting lips before getting back to the game, leaving the other completely flustered and a blushing, spluttering mess.

(and that is one of the rare times that hueningkai wins the game, by the way.)

it's a bright evening, but the sun doesn't sting as much. it's warm, leaving a pleasant feeling with its touch. the two of them are under the chestnut tree again, kai lying on taehyun's lap as the latter reads a book.

"what are you reading?" asks hueningkai, looking up directly at taehyun, only to find his face covered by the book.

"just a novel," taehyun replies nonchalantly, arms moving to flip a page.

"look at _me_ ," the other demands, pulling down the book in taehyun's hand.

he promptly freezes at the sight that meets him.

it isn't anything grand or magical, but kai could bet that he could look at it all day. the orange streak of sunlight shining taehyun's face, highlighting his cheeks and _lips_ , his irises shining with the light as well. a soft glow engulfing the air around them.

taehyun raises an eyebrow at him, the book still held in his hand. "what?"

he doesn't hesitate in pressing a kiss against taehyun's lips, even though his chest hurts from the sudden unnatural strain. or maybe it's because of the love bursting from inside him, spilling all over.

taehyun smiles, blushes lightly as he bends down this time to kiss him back.

taehyun and hueningkai fall in love in spring, just like the beauty of the falling cherry blossoms, of the warm sunlight and the freedom that comes along with it.

"i love you," kai whispers, smiling up at taehyun's blushing face. "so much, hyunnie."

it doesn't take long for taehyun to say it back. "i love you too."

they hold each other's hand tightly on the day of graduation. they cheer for each other the loudest, perhaps even shed a tear or two. they hold each other by the waist as yeonjun click away hundreds of pictures of them. and kai manages to even sneak in a little kiss on his cheek, an image that he would keep as his wallpaper in the days to come.

"love you," kai says that evening, standing before the school gates. he would definitely miss this place.

taehyun leans on his shoulder, holding his arm tightly. "love you too."

the school which gave them each other, creating the most beautiful time of their lives. kai thinks he will forever be thankful to this place, even with all the stress he has got here.

they get into the same university, taehyun in a literature course while kai joins the music department. they're whisked away with projects and assignments and deadlines, but they find their way back to each other. when taehyun spends nights at the library, returning to their shared dorm room in exhaustion, letting kai tuck him to bed for a few hours of shut eye, or when kai sits and stares blankly at space for hours, digging his mind for inspiration until taehyun has to shake him out of it; they find each other every single day.

a love as pleasant as spring, how could they ever forget it?

kai would think as he hugged taehyun, in between the realms of sleep and awakeness, _i'll never stop loving you_. he tells it out too, just to make it more real.

and as he sleeps and wakes to another day, he looks at his side and always, always finds taehyun.

  
  


☆

hueningkai and taehyun fight in summer.

" _i've told you before, hyuka. i told you that i might not make it._ "

it's four years— four blissful, happy years into their relationship that they fight. not the bickering— they _actually_ fight.

it's a comparatively lazy day, nothing special about it per se. so he doesn't understand why they have to fight. or why this is even a fight to begin with; is _he_ the one being irrational? all he is asking for is for taehyun to _be_ there.

hueningkai sits on the edge of his bed, phone cradled tightly in his hands and pressed against his ear. he's dressed in his stage outfit, only waiting to be done with makeup.

if tears spring up to his eyes, he gulps them back right down. he doesn't want to ruin his face, not today.

"but you promised, taehyun." he says. a last ditch attempt; hanging on to a sliver of hope. "today is the final day of the recital. can't you come even for a few minutes?"

at the other end, he hears taehyun sigh. he knows the latter is occupied with loads and loads of assignments, what with this being his final year and all. but can't he make some time for his boyfriend?

" _i told you, hyuka,_ " taehyun says with a resigned sigh. " _i really wish i can come, it's just that this— you know, why are you asking me when you know?_ "

kai bites his lip, trying his best to hold back. _don't cry, you're not a kid. stop crying_.

"i know," he says, trying his best to not let his voice crack. "but… not even for a few min—?"

" _hyuka, can i call you later? i need to finish thi— talk to you—_ "

the call ends with frustrated tears brimming in his eyes. he grips his phone tightly, 

_later_. he hated that. hated that he was only a _later_ , and not a _now_. hated that taehyun never seemed to have the time for him, when he gave all his time for the other. he remembers the numerous practices he has skipped just so he could reach home sooner and spend time with taehyun, the days when he had to pull an all nighter just so he could finish his assignments after spending the entire evening with the other, blissfully happy.

and now… now he was only a _later_.

he knows that taehyun did all of those too; skipped classes for their movie days, for a picnic down at the park, for kai's numerous recitals too.

however, this one hurts. this particular one, he doesn't know why, but it _hurts_.

"hyuka!" soobin announces his entry loudly. hueningkai tries to wipe his face off any hint of tears, looking away from his direction. "how is our best pianist in the world— kai?"

"hyung," he chuckles, and it's a wet and sad thing. "you came early?"

"hyuka, did anything happen?"

he contemplates telling soobin. the elder always listens to him, always takes his side and is always there for him. like that time when they were fourteen and hueningkai whined about failing mario kart, saying taehyun was being unfair by picking the route he played the most; or when they were nineteen and hueningkai was complaining about how taehyun did not know anything about self-care and thus fell sick from all those nights of cramming for the first finals.

now, at twenty two, hueningkai still wants to whine to his _soobinie hyung_.

but when he sees who follows right after, snaking a hand around soobin's waist, peering over his shoulder— choi yeonjun, soobin's boyfriend, he does not really want to anymore. not when soobin is happy. he does not want to put his own misery on soobin, not _again_.

"nothing, hyung. see? all fine!" he smiles. it's a forced one, and hueningkai knows better than anyone that soobin can read him like an open boom. "just. nervous, i guess?"

"hueningkai? nervous?" yeonjun pipes in dramatically, hands withdrawing from holding soobin and rushing to him. "absolutely impossible! who are you, huh?"

yeonjun was a rather late addition to the duo, tagging along only from their time in high school. he and yeonjun had clicked right away with their similar music tastes, added with hueningkai's low level of humor and yeonjun's affinity to crack bad jokes every now and then. even though he hasn't been around as long as soobin has, they have a friendship that wraps them together in its own way.

"kai," soobin now sits beside him on the edge of the bed. "are you really nervous?"

"yeah, just that," and he isn't _lying_ , per se. he is nervous of performing tonight, but not because of stage fear. he has performed on a lot of stages for over half his life, so that isn't the thing that will make him nervous.

it's the very vivid thought that taehyun would not be there, at the front seat in the audience, looking at kai with those sparkly eyes. it's knowing that, which makes him nervous.

but soobin doesn't pry, even though he definitely knows something is wrong, and only hugs kai from the side. a wordless comfort. kai leans into the hug, letting himself calm down.

maybe, if he thinks about all the others who came to see him than the one person who didn't, maybe he would perform well.

that evening, hueningkai drags himself to his room, exhausted in general from the long day of recital and performance evaluations. he did not make it to the finals, but he at least went up till the semi-finals, which marks as a record in his books. besides, he is simply tired to even think over his loss and look at ways to perform better.

at the end, he just wants to sleep.

but sleep does not find him. what does, is the painful empty space where taehyun would sit, where taehyun would loop his arms around and where he would press a light kiss. all that finds him is an emptiness that hits even more painfully today.

sometime during midnight, the door creaks open. hueningkai, so close to falling asleep as some random soap drama plays on the laptop screen, stays still, pretending to be fully asleep. he does not want the conversation now; it can wait another day.

what he does feel, however, is taehyun's cold hands touching his face. he feels the lightest kiss on his forehead, and then on his lips; he feels the weight of the laptop disappear from his lap, the warmth of the covers as taehyun slips in beside him. he feels the arm that wraps around his waist, just like how it usually does.

he hears the final whisper of " _i'm sorry,_ " just as he falls into the dark abyss of sleep.

come morning, he isn't even angry anymore. mostly because it's a thing of the past, and he knows it would do no good to dwell on it, but also because he wakes to the face of a sleeping taehyun. now that's a sight he hasn't seen in weeks.

this taehyun, with his peaceful face, free of any stress, and just… him. this is the taehyun he fell in love with, kai realizes slowly.

in the sweltering summer, just like the sunlight that blinds one with its presence, hueningkai realizes that he loves taehyun. taehyun is like the blinding sun, and hueningkai feels he is the sunflower, always looking at taehyun, just dwelling in the sunrays.

he thinks its enough. hopes its enough, as he falls right back into sleep, holding taehyun the slightest bit closer.

they make up, but it doesn't feel enough. some time later, taehyun misses yet another of kai's recitals, and kai misses taehyun's graduation day. kai cries himself to sleep and so does taehyun, but they wake up the next morning and apologize and hope its enough.

they hold onto their love, the love that bloomed under the chestnut tree when they first kissed, and hope they don't fall.

☆

hueningkai and taehyun fall in autumn.

"i don't think this is working, hyun."

the realization hits them six years into their relationship.

it's hueningkai who brings it up, on a warm day in october— one of the rare warm days, where it doesn't feel like his fingers are about to freeze.

they are sitting in their shared apartment, hueningkai still dressed in his recital clothes. he had just arrived from a competition in tokyo, the jet lag making him exhausted.

"hyuka,"

"please," he stops taehyun before he could even begin. "i just… i don't think i can be there anymore. for you, for us."

taehyun stays quiet, because he knows. he knows that hueningkai is right.

with his job at the publishing house and hueningkai's numerous recitals, they could barely find any time for each other. kai was barely in the house, either camping at his instructor's place or at some foreign country, arms yearning to hold taehyun. taehyun would only return from work late in the evening, and would only clock out on the bed, skipping dinner half the time, yearning for a warmth that seemed to disappear with the passing of time.

the house feels so empty, even with the two of them in it. the house that the two of them moved in together to, now just a space to linger and move on to their next schedule.

and what hurts kai the most, is perhaps the way they have stopped bothering about it. the way they just nodded in resignation when the other said some reason for not being able to be home. the way it became natural for them to just… not be with each other and be okay with it.

"i'll pay half the lease, 'cause the lease is till next year." kai adds. he looks at his hands, at the wooden floor, anywhere but at taehyun. he doesn't think he will be able to handle it. "you can stay here. i-i'll move out."

somewhere deep in his heart, he wants to believe that this is the right decision. that leaving taehyun, that ending their relationship would be the better thing to do.

it was all roses and pink-tinted sights for so long, that kai thinks they forgot to look at the thorns underneath the petals. they forgot to look at the clouds, only choosing to stare at the sun.

when the time inevitably came, instead of walking away from the thorns or waiting for the sun, they simply gave up.

now, sitting in a cold autumn day, where the clouds hold the sun captive, kai thinks this is the better decision.

"can i speak?" taehyun asks. it's as tender as ever, and maybe that hurts him more.

he nods, taking a deep breath.

"i… i get why you want to end this, kai." taehyun starts. "it isn't a good relationship if one doesn't feel at home."

 _at least he knows_ , kai forces himself to think.

"and i'm sorry that i made you feel that way."

at this, kai wants to protest. he wants to say _no, you aren't at fault, it's me and only me_ , but he knows he would be fooling only himself. 

a home was supposed to be built by two people. maybe more, but never less. a home is a place where hearts become one, rest in comfort and peace, knowing there is a place to always turn to.

right now, hueningkai looks at taehyun, and finds a stranger in his sight.

"i'll… i'll stay. you don't have to give half the lease, too. i can just… i can pay it by myself." taehyun adds. there are a lot more that is unsaid, kai could see the words hiding underneath taehyun's skin. but he doesn't pry. some words are not meant for him to hear; it's just better that way.

kai shakes his head. "i did use this place, after all. it's only right that i pay."

taehyun chuckles. "these days, i don't know if we even have to pay the rent anymore."

it's the painful truth. at one point, they stopped being each other's world. their axises tilted, their centre of gravity now opposing each other.

he chuckles back. it's a bitter one, not really happy.

"still," taehyun says. hueningkai then dares to look at him, and feels his heart shatter all over again.

because it is with tear-stained cheeks, with red eyes and a genuine smile that contradicts everything, that taehyun says:

"thank you for all these years, hyuka."

he breaks, he cries. normally, when he cries, the first person he would look for is taehyun. nothing could calm him down like taehyun's warm hugs and comforting words, but he does not dare look for it today.

and so he sits at the only other couch, head hung low, tears falling slowly and staining his pants, his face, his heart.

it takes him a week to organize all of his things. he rents out a small studio apartment, one near his instructor's place. it's enough to fit all his things, but it still feels so empty.

it takes a week for him to at least pretend to be okay. he's sure taehyun knows of the tears he sheds every night, the sounds muffled by his pillow. but he doesn't come.

a dead tree is useless.

the hug he gives taehyun as he leaves is anything but comforting. he almost instinctively leans in for a kiss, before realizing that there is no more _them_. and so he smiles, bitterly and sadly, turns around and walks away, never turning back. he knew that turning back, looking at taehyun's tear-stained face would have made him lose all his will right then and there. he is still but a weak-willed man.

a tree that blooms is bound to fall.

kai supposes that is what happened to them. a blooming tree, now dead and barren. unable to survive, left to die.

that night, as he buries his face into the spare pillow of soobin's spare bedroom, he wishes his tears were enough to bring the tree back to life. he wishes _he_ were enough to make the tree sprout again. he cries and cries and cries, simply wishing to see the tree one last time. to love one more time, this time better than the previous one, now that he knows his mistakes.

he registers soobin's slightly panicked voice sometime at midnight, but his brain is too muddled to process it. or anything, really. he remembers being shuffled from his position to sleep on his back, but the rest is a blur.

he doesn't remember soobin angrily calling taehyun and asking ' _what the fuck did you do to him?_ ' and yeonjun trying to calm his boyfriend, he doesn't hear taehyun's strangled cry instead of a worded answer coming in as the only reply. he doesn't feel the wet towel yeonjun places on his forehead, doesn't see the way soobin cries silently on yeonjun's shoulder because he has never seen his hueningkai suffer this much.

when he barely wakes up one morning, two days later, it is to taehyun's face. which doesn't make sense, really, because didn't they break up? didn't he leave their house? did he dream all of it up? sure, a part of him wishes he did, but did he actually dream it?

"idiot," taehyun whispers, voice wet and tired. "you idiot."

the hug taehyun gives him isn't the one he's familiar with, an unknown part missing, maybe gone forever. but it's comforting, at least, as he gives into the pull of his eyes and falls back asleep.

the next time he wakes up, taehyun isn't there. there is only a letter, which he shoves into his wallet and does not open. ever.

the temperature drops another few degrees, and kai wears another coat to maybe try feel the warmth taehyun's hugs would give him.

in autumn, hueningkai experiences his first heartbreak. in a season that is supposed to have an abundance of warmth and togetherness, hueningkai feels cold and lonely.

☆

_dear hyuka,_

_i won't say much. i just want you to know that, more than the blooming of spring, the sunlight of summer, the leaves of autumn or the snow of winter,_

_more than all the seasons we have spent,_

_you are my brightest season ever._

_thank you, love you. i don't think i ever will stop loving you._

_and it's because i love you that i can easily say_

_goodbye, my love._

_maybe one day, the seasons would be nicer to us._

☆

hueningkai and taehyun meet again in winter.

a year passes.

hueningkai spends winter, spring and summer without taehyun, in a foreign land and plays the piano like its his last day. critics praise him, journalists and media people flock him, but hueningkai only feels even more lonelier than before.

sometime in spring, kai hears about taehyun. a blind day of scrolling through his social media on his free day brings him to taehyun's page.

 _beomgyu_ , hueningkai says the name out loud, rolls it around his tongue. it sounds nice. it fits, or so he thinks. there is a picture of beomgyu kissing taehyun's cheek, captioned with a simple _happy birthday, love!_ and he finds it in him to smile.

the ache still persists, but it's at least not suffocating him like it used to.

he hasn't tried a relationship after taehyun, mainly because he did not find any interest in anyone; no, not even the fellow players he meets during international recitals who buy him drinks and take him out to fancy dinners. they just weren't interesting; besides, he had his recitals to focus on.

(but maybe… maybe it's also because he is scared. scared of messing up, of his next love ending up the same way he and taehyun did, lost and pitifully sad. he isn't sure he can handle that.)

soobin and yeonjun keep in touch, too, sometimes through video calls and most times through text messages. soobin is working as a model and yeonjun as a fashion designer, the pair creating their own success and their own life, still together. there was a brief moment when they had broken up, when soobin rung him up at what would be one at night in seoul, voice barely above a whisper and begging for someone to stop him from crying. a rough patch, hueningkai would call it, because they found each other just months later, teary-eyed and bright-smiled as apologies and love filled the air. and he was happy for them, he really was. he looked at the empty space beside him, and wondered briefly if he could have done anything to hold onto taehyun. hold onto their love.

he smiles when soobin asks him what happened, and shakes his head like he always did.

now, sitting before his laptop at a small apartment in venice, kai smiles at soobin's face lighting up on the screen.

" _heyyy hyuka! how have you been?_ "

it's blue, his hair, and kai voices out his surprise.

" _is it funny? i told yeonjun hyung that it doesn't suit me— (stop lying, soobin! it looks great on him, doesn't it hyuka?) so how are you? and where are you now?_ "

"venice, hyung. i'm performing at this… museum, i guess."

there's a collective hum of awe from soobin and yeonjun that makes him chuckle. "so, what's the reason for this call?"

" _should i always have a reason to call my hyuka?_ " soobin asks with a pout.

"of course not, hyungie. you know that."

" _but you caught me, i_ do _have a reason!_ " soobin then turns to yeonjun who is off-screen, beckoning him to come beside. it's a bigger shock for kai to see yeonjun, bright pink hair tied in a half-ponytail, donning an apron covered in flour.

" _okay, ready?_ " there's something in the way soobin looks up at yeonjun, a glint, an exchange of silent words that kai manages to catch. " _one, two… we're getting married!_ "

what.

"what?" he stresses, mind running entirely blank.

has it been that long? has time flows past him so soon?

" _yes, hyuka, we're getting married!_ "

those are the words that gets him on the flight back to seoul, back to home. back to where it all began, where his everything still lingered. seoul is a home in ways more than one: in the little alleyways he used to walk to find hole-in-the-wall cafes, in the sunset that colored the city's horizon a bright golden orange, sometimes with pinks and blues, in the nights he spent at the internet cafes with soobin, playing league of legends and laughing loudly when soobin would lose.

seoul was home. was.

now, he doesn't quite know what home exactly is.

he still doesn't know as he lands in seoul, engulfed in soobin's embrace and an endless stream of ' _my baby is here! my hyuka is here finally i missed you soo much_ ', as he reaches soobin's apartment and sits in the same room he broke down over a year ago, emotionally and physically.

the sheets, the wallpaper, the arrangement, everything is new. yet, kai could only remember taehyun's words that rung loud in the room.

soobin also tells him that evening that he has invited taehyun too; looks towards kai expectantly for any response. kai, being kai, only nods and goes back to eating his dinner.

it doesn't bother him; shouldn't. taehyun is as much of a friend of soobin as he is, and he shouldn't be the one to stop the other from inviting him. he isn't childish like that.

"you… sure?" soobin asks again, just to make sure.

"hyung, we broke up," kai says as a matter-of-fact. "we're just exes, not rivals at war, dammit."

the lighthearted joke leaves him feeling a bit better about the whole situation. they _are_ just exes, just people who were in love.

(are. hueningkai might still be a bit in love. but that's a secret no one has to know.)

kai is left at the apartment by himself while yeonjun and soobin go back and forth, arranging everything for their wedding. it's a private event, with very few attendees. soobin's father had refused to attend, and kai had only hugged him in consolation. at least his mother agreed to come.

he sees taehyun twice in that short period. once, when he is out with soobin at the mall, shopping for shoes to go with his own best man suit. they don't meet, kai simply watching as taehyun walks around, searching intently for a store. the second time is at soobin's apartment, when taehyun comes over to pick up something. kai is half asleep on the couch, but he could recognize taehyun's voice anywhere.

" _kai's here?_ "

" _yeah, called him down. it's my marriage, after all._ "

" _oh,_ " 

and that was that. no other words. kai sleeps off once taehyun leaves the house, the fading footsteps creating an almost lullaby.

(if he had just opened his eyes, if he had just seen how taehyun's eyes shined with something. how his face burned up pink, how he stammered over his words, how his sight lingered on kai's sleeping figure till he closed to door behind him.

if he had just opened his eyes, he would have known.)

before he knew it, it was the day of the wedding. soobin is fitted into his black and navy blue suit, and is nervously pacing the room.

"this is the first time i'm seeing you nervous," kai laughs, earning a smack on his shoulder. " _hey_! i'm your bestest best man!"

it's a silly childhood joke between them. ten year old hueningkai holding twelve year old soobin's hand and saying " _when hyungie gets married, i'll be the bestest best man ever!_ ". he is glad he gets to keep that promise, that he gets to keep soobin at least. all other parts of his childhood seemed to have been buried under memories upon memories, too heavy to be pulled up.

soobin sits on the edge of the bed and looks at kai with a pout. "is this what they call cold feet? my feet are sure fucking cold right now."

"gosh, _hyung_ " he walks to sit beside soobin, a hand going right away for his stomach. his own way of comfort. "you are _not_ getting cold feet when your marriage is in like… twenty minutes."

soobin lets out a deep sigh, forehead creased in worry. "i just… what if we're… hurrying into it? it feels right, but i'm also… scared."

kai hums, letting soobin continue.

"like… _like_ , i don't know how to be a husband? i don't know the first thing about cooking, and that's a thing married couples do right? jjunie hyung has banned me from the kitchen. i know cleaning, though! but he usually rearranges my cupboard for me… and, and i'm sometimes away for hours and married couples should always be together, no?"

"hyung, calm down," 

"but hyuka, what if i don't know anything and yeonjun doesn't like me for it… what if—"

"i want you to shut up right now," kai says, smacking the elder's shoulder. "hyung, i hate to say this but you're being stupid right now. extremely stupid."

" _hey_ ,"

"what? i'm right! ask taehyun, he'd say the exact same thing!" it slips unconsciously; he always used to ask taehyun for back up whenever he found either of soobin or yeonjun acting stupid.

soobin notices and looks at him, but kai shakes his head. "hyung, you're just thinking too much right now. if anything, i think you're the perfect fit for yeonjun hyung. and yeonjun hyung is the best person for you. so what if you can't cook? yeonjun hyung will make his only spaghetti recipe, and you will still have it like it's the most delicious thing ever!"

"but it _is_ pretty good—"

"and what if you can't clean either? yeonjun will do it for you! or you have youtube these days, just watch it and _learn_ , you stupid hyung."

"hey, i _am_ your hyung!"

"yeah, a hyung who's the stupidest person i've ever seen in my life. you have fifteen minutes to get ready, now sit on the damn makeup chair."

soobin frowns, but listens anyway. just as he leaves the room, he turns back to kai, leaning in for a hug.

"i hope you find your someone too, kai-ah. you have too much love to keep it for yourself."

and kai smiles. he knows that, he knows it very well. but how does he tell soobin that giving it to anyone who isn't taehyun feels like he's committing a sin?

and so he only smiles, rocks the elder in the hug as he feels the emotions build up in his hyung's heart, and presses a light kiss on his cheek.

"now go get your man, i raised no cowardly hyung."

that is cue for kai to get to his own small stage of the best man's. he has the cue cards in his hand, and grips tight on the mic as he sits near the piano.

as he looks around, his eyes meet taehyun's.

he's dressed in a plain black and white suit, but somehow still shines the brightest. he spots taehyun's small smile for him, only for him, and lets himself revel in it.

the wedding goes well. splendidly well, in fact, because yeonjun _does_ manage to make soobin cry, like he had secretly told kai two nights ago. it's a sweet thing, watching his hyung cry into the shoulder of his boyf— _husband_ , hugging him and telling ' _i love you_ 's repeatedly.

 _this is going to take some getting used to_ , he thinks to himself.

now, he's seated at a corner of the room, nursing his glass of wine. they have opened a dance floor in the centre of the hall, with yeonjun and soobin happily dancing away, along with three other couples.

he thinks it's fine. this is his life, at its most calm, most happiest. he just feel pleasant as he sips his wine slowly, warmth buzzing all over his heart and his body.

until taehyun comes in his line of vision.

( _"class," eight year old kai walks up to the front, standing beside the teacher. "meet your new classmate, hueningkai. kai, you can go sit beside taehyun."_

_he follows the direction the teacher's hand points at, finding a little boy with wide eyes smile back at him._

_"hi! i'm kang taehyun!"_ )

"hi," taehyun says, taking the empty seat beside kai. he has a can of beer in his hand.

he looks… different. grown. not the same seventeen year old taehyun he first fell in love with, not the nineteen year old he confessed to, not the twenty two year old he fought with or the twenty four year old he broke up with. this taehyun is different.

but when he smiles, kai feels like he's back again in elementary school, finding taehyun for the first time.

"hey," he says back, gripping his glass of wine a bit tighter. "how are you?"

it was only courtesy; he is a decent human being, even to the ex he is awkward with.

"i'm fine," taehyun replies. "you?"

kai hums back. doesn't trust his voice for some reason.

it's silent between them for a few minutes, each staring at their own drinks for the night, only looking away and never looking at each other.

"... actually," taehyun starts, pulling kai's attention. "can we go to the balcony?"

and kai, just like he always did, nods and goes with taehyun.

the cold air of december bites into his bare skin as he steps out, but taehyun seems unbothered almost. for a moment, kai falls a step behind taehyun and simply watches. the horizon of seoul wraps around taehyun prettily, the neon yellow lights illuminating the outlines of his face.

kai falls a little more in love, all over again.

"i…" taehyun starts, but stops as the wind flows past them. it's so damn cold, kai buries his hands into his pockets. "i broke up. with beomgyu."

he speaks as if he knows that kai kept tabs on him. as if kai still watched him, talked to him. like he did not cut off all communication and move countries until he felt like he could bear living without taehyun.

"hm," he hums, leaning against the railing. it's still so cold, but he's getting used to it.

it feels a lot like his heart; he just got used to the pain over time.

"we were happy, really," taehyun continues, staring out at the wide expanse of seoul. "but somewhere, i guess we just weren't for each other."

kai admired that about taehyun; he knew what was right for him and what was not. if it were him in a relationship, he would try his best to hold it out till the very end, till everything eroded and only scars remained.

"if you're fine," kai says, taking a deep breath. "then good."

 _if you're happy, i'm happy too_.

that's just how it has always been.

some more minutes of silence pass by. the party behind them in the hall buzzes lowly in their ears, a forgotten background sound.

"kai… i know—" taehyun gulps in hesitation. kai finds something grip his heart, but does not know what to name it. "i know this is too much to ask of me. but… you know how i am,"

 _the best person ever_ , kai thinks to himself. _my spring_.

"i'm selfish, and something in me tells this is the right thing to do."

 _my summer_.

"kai… hueningkai," taehyun breathes out, now fully turned towards the taller.

 _my autumn_.

"can we start over?"

 _my winter_.

kai watches blankly at taehyun's expectant face. what does he say? no one trained him for situations like these, no one warned him about questions like this. what does he do?

"i know it's too much to ask of you," taehyun adds again. "especially when we broke up. but… i want to be your home again. i don't think anyone else can be my home."

and kai, like he always does, like he always does for taehyun, nods. it never feels wrong when he says yes to him.

☆

hueningkai and taehyun find love again in spring.

relearning is an art, kai realizes as he stares at his and taehyun's held hands. the other is fast asleep, the two of them barely fitting in the couch.

kai holds taehyun tightly, as if letting him go would make him disappear forever.

he had to relearn a lot of things, from the way he used to look at taehyun to the way they fit with each other like a puzzle piece. he had to remember a lot of things, but he has learned a lot of new things about taehyun, too: how he arranges everything in the kitchen pantry in one particular way alone, how he always makes sure to take his pen in his pocket wherever he went, how he has developed a taste for beer. in return, taehyun learns a lot about kai too: the way the other would fall into silence for certain days, letting his body and mind recuperate because even with his job, there are times he gets exhausted. he knows of kai's love for mint chocolate ( _"ugh," "hey!"_ ), of his tendency to talk to any and every kid he passes by. he understands it when kai locks his piano for days, too tired of playing it.

they relearn, they learn and they grow.

the tree they planted had bloomed, withered and fallen. but it takes a while for him to realize that they could plant another tree, and another, and another. he realizes that he could also nurture it well instead of letting it grow and simply watch. they could plant a whole forest, and even when all of those trees fall and never get back up, he knows it is okay.

they could just plant another, and start over again. and if they don't want to, that's also okay.

now, holding taehyun in his arms, letting sleep take over his senses, he feels like spring is blossoming again. like love is sprouting between them again.

hueningkai looks at taehyun and wonders how even with all seasons between them, how he is perhaps the most beautiful season ever.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you really liked it.... do leave kudos/comments if you did!
> 
> [twt](https://www.twitter.com/typical_fangrl) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/typical_fangrl)


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